I'm not sure why I need to say this,
perhaps society in general has no sense of propriety, perhaps common sense is
no longer common, or perhaps there exists a glitch that has caused a shortage
in clever discussion topics, forcing small talk into directions that aren't
useful, applicable or even appropriate. I'm sure you've experienced it
firsthand (and if you haven't, then you are very likely an avid perpetrator
sitting in the darkness of your own ignorance)
There are many dilemmas that stem
directly from this phenomenon. One being the uselessness of an interaction with
a person who's understanding of you as an individual reaches no further than pointing
out what they see, or rather what they think they see. For example, I am over
weight. The super special part is the bulk of it rides around as, "belly
fat," and happens to pitch just right, making me look like I might be slightly
pregnant. It really depends on the shirt I'm wearing. I'm torn between finding
it funny, or finding it insulting. I have had dozens of people congratulate me
at random, pull me aside to tell me how I'm positively glowing, wish me the best
of luck with my family, or the one that is most concerning are the ones that
ask me "Oh wow! When are you due?" I'm talking cashiers, strangers on
the street, salesmen, etc. P.s. If you're a salesman and you ask me this, you
just lost a sale.... and you're and a-hole.
People, people, people.... I don't
care if a woman looks like she's 16 months pregnant with octuplets and her
belly button is poking out 6 inches...You just don't ask certain things. She
may not be pregnant. She may be and perhaps would rather buy what she came for
without issuing a progress report to a total stranger. She might be struggling
with her ever changing image and feeling like she's the size of a truck and
perhaps just hoping to get through her errands without some jerk reminding her.
She may be a victim of sexual assault or one night stand.
The other end of this issue are your
classic super nosy casual acquaintances. I'm sure you've seen this, they love
to creep out newlyweds. They're the ones who want to know when you'll be
getting pregnant, how many you want, when you're ovulating and what you're
waiting for. If you happen to not be physically capable of reproduction, they
want to know if you're doing it wrong, if you're climaxing, if you've tried
different positions, if, where, when and how you were tested, if it's his fault
or yours, are you undergoing therapy to resolve the issue, maybe you're not
having enough sex, try losing some weight- you'll feel better at least, have
you tried IVF? They'll rattle off a bunch of his and hers remedies based on old
wives tales to maximize fertility. For the most part, these are the people who
rarely talk to you, but then plow into a hot and heavy discussion on the inner
workings of your reproductive systems. Just when your eyes glaze over, they
start digging into adoption, fostering or checking the lost and found at bus
stops and bars. Ultimately it ends the same way, "Well don't lose
heart." Umm... thanks.
My husband and I got married in July
2011 and as of yet we have no children. People expect me to be at the height of
desperation and panic. Its been nearly 3 years of people repeatedly adding to
the previously mentioned exasperating annoyances and, well, we've pretty well
had it.
The decision to procreate is a private and
personal one, to be made within the home of each family. I'm not sure why so
many people feel the need to weigh in on it, but I get pounced on about it on a
steady basis and quite frankly, I'm tired of it. I refuse to recognize this notion
that so many people relish, that one's life is not fulfilled without kids. Let's
slow down here and call a spade, a spade. I'd like to know who you think you
are that you can say my life is any less fulfilling. I don't share your romanticized
notions. Sure parenthood is a wonderful opportunity, frankly I think there
needs to be an approval process, if you know what I mean. Would I love to be a
mother? Of course. You can bet I'd be an amazing one. BUT I don't feel like I'm
lacking anything or that my life is less fulfilling, after all, what good does
that do? I don't have to look far to look on the bright side. Ladies and
Gentlemen, I get to sleep and wake up when I want. There's no mystery bodily
fluid anywhere in my daily routine. Everyone in my house is potty trained, can
drive, vote, cook, clean and make it through the cereal aisle without a meltdown.
We have time to contribute to society and can easily live within our means. I
am an aunt of three, Godmother of one, and there are a number of children who
call me Auntie Jean, "ANTJEEEN!!!", Aunt Jeannie, and Big Momma. I
get to be the fun one or the hired gun, they love to see me coming, they miss
me when I'm gone, they know I always have a present special for them and they
can help themselves to the gum in my purse and pictures on my phone. I have energy
to play, I love Disney movies and can sing along with every song (so will Uncle
Chris). I have a black belt in hide and seek. I know so many random facts that
you'd think you were spending the afternoon with Bill Nye. If they want to stop
and watch a bug, I have all the time in the world for that. School fundraiser?
I've got $100 that ain't doing nothin'. Need a t-ball coach? Uncle Chris. If
we're horsing around and something breaks, I'll take the fall.
To all the mommies in my life, you
have a lot to be proud of and grateful for. Save your pity though, because my
life rocks!! To all the weirdo's and biddies, quit fussing over my lady junk
and get a hobby. To the strangers who feel the need to ask way too many
questions for their own good, I am pregnant... with a can of whoop@$$ and my
water just broke, fool!
